Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
