I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize