all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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