Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
How external is "for external use only"?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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