Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
