You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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