well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
