period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
