And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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