my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
