I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
