Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
