Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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