Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
