I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
