too bad you live with your parents still
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
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we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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