my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
