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The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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