You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
