i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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