i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
