I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
