I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
