I CAN MOONWALK!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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