You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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