do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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