i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
