That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
