he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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