My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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