i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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