if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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