ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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