my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Girls should come with a carfax report
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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