Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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