Who wears a wallet chain?!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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