nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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