please come you make the beer taste better
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
