i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i already hear my dad disowning me
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
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I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
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My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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