I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
