You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Two words: blizzard sex
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
