I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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