that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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