You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
