i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
