Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
