This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
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When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
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Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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