do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
