Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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