Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I need water and some morals
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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