I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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