Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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