You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?