I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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