remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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