Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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