There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
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Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
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The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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