Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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