Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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