Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
